Alright, so I figure that it's not so interesting to read about people's issues that make them feel down. So here's something that has totally picked me up, just thought I would blog about it because for the moment I'm feeling peppy. Before this I was feeling really low and worried about everything and totally feeling like nothing was conquerable on my "master worry list".
It's Winter and my legs always have plagued me in terms of being dry skin. So for years I have always sworn by my Bath and Body Works Cucumber Melow body moisturizer. It's always worked. Honestly, I think I've been using this stuff since High School! Anyway, I now live in a much drier climate where I am additionally full of allergies. My legs have been itching me non-stop for the last few months and it makes me feel horrible. So initially I thought maybe it's because I'm allergic. Then I bought Noni Juice and have been drinking that everyday, which seems to definitely have helped. BUT my legs were still itchy and I mean really really painfully itchy. So I noticed also how dry they seemed to be and that I never can get a good shave. EXFOLIATION is the key! I put a lot of time into figuring out what would solve my itchy legs. So everyone said to exfoliate, which I totally totally don't do. The best concoction out there seems to be baking soda and water. Second best is salt and some olive oil or sugar or even coffee. So I was going to go to the store and get baking soda, and then I was gonna buy olive oil. And then I just got it in me to just use what I had, which was salt and almond oil. Then I shaved and put on my regular moisturizer. Wowie Zowie I feel so good and my skin is so unbelivably soft and totally not-itchy!! I did it on my face too and right now I'm feeling really super good. Too bad that I've blown and wasted so much potential writing time though...
I guess somehow I'll finish all of this. I'm really really looking forward to not having so many problems in my life. I want to be able to talk to my husband better. Our relationship is very rocky right now. He annoys me a lot of the time. And I know that my life will be more flexible if I stay married to him, which is why I am working to see if we can get past our issues. But it's just draining and so tiring after a while. You just want to throw in the hat and be done with it all. But it's not possible like that because then you've thrown it all away before you've really tried. I think that if I was able to devote the time to it and know that I had really given it my all in trying to make it work and then still couldn't make it work then I would be more satisfied in the decision to throw in the towel. I really really don't want to be divorced. But I also really really DO want to be happy. So unfortunately I have to put the PhD first and get my deadline done because it has a deadline. And then after that I hope to have the real time to just devote to my relationship with him. But honestly, he'll be working too...so when will we ever have the time like we should have taken before we got married to decide and work and make things good between us? I hate the whole back and forth of it all and knowing too that my parents just wish to not have the problem in our lives anymore and deep down they probably would just advise me to dump it all and move on. But the life that will come afterwards as a result seems soo unbelievably limited and I feel like I will forever regret the decision and would rather be with him then not in that situation and in that location because I am not willing to desert my daughter.
Ugh. tough decisions that I wish I didn't have in my life. I wonder who else can relate? who else is in a marriage and considering all of this too?